“If You Didn’t Almost Die, It’s Not an Emergency” – Funny Senior Tee
For seniors who’ve earned the right to call out nonsense with brutal honesty, this funny senior t-shirt delivers sarcasm and dark humor in perfect form. It’s made for retirees, seniors, and the gloriously unfiltered souls who know that if it didn’t almost kill you, it can wait.
Whether you’re the wise retiree, the family matriarch, or the resident tough-love giver, this sarcastic senior tee says it loud and proud—no patience for dramatics, minor inconveniences, or “emergencies” that are really just attention grabs.
Soft, comfortable, and perfect for casual days, family gatherings, or reminding everyone who’s boss, this shirt makes a hilarious retirement gift and a must-have piece of dark humor senior merch.
Because some things are emergencies… and some things are just Tuesday.
| |
XS |
S |
M |
L |
XL |
2XL |
3XL |
4XL |
5XL |
| Width, in |
16.00 |
18.00 |
20.00 |
22.00 |
24.00 |
26.00 |
28.00 |
30.00 |
32.00 |
| Length, in |
27.00 |
28.00 |
29.00 |
30.00 |
31.00 |
32.00 |
33.00 |
34.00 |
35.00 |
| Sleeve length, in |
7.99 |
8.23 |
8.50 |
8.74 |
9.02 |
9.25 |
9.49 |
9.72 |
9.96 |
| Size tolerance, in |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
Product features
- Crafted without side seams for a polished look and reduced fabric waste.
- Highly elastic ribbed knit collar retains its shape with wear.
- Stabilized shoulder seams prevent stretching for consistent fit.
- Made from durable, smooth fabric, ideal for vibrant prints.
- Classic fit and lightweight design ensure year-round comfort.
Care instructions
- Do not dryclean
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), with similar colors
